meep meep ma moo meep

Hello world, whoever still comes here haha.
Gosh its been an emotional week. Dramafest just ended. Had a great time working with everyone, towards one goal. Though the results weren't what we have had liked, we've really tried our best and i guess that's all that matters, as people always like to say. Can't say there wasn't any disappointment or regret, but what's done is done and we've just got to pass down the lessons learnt to the juniors and help them achieve their best. That said, I'm just really thankful to all the people who've slogged their guts out for this. I've been playing a minor role in this whole process and am already very tired out, imagine what amanda, sl, hanjing, the cast, the dedicated crew, the dedicated seniors have been through. Its really cool to see people putting in so much effort, putting in their best for this common goal. So i dare say that even though someone else may have won the material prizes, we have gained far more solely based on the amount of effort that we've put in.

That in mind, i just wonder what i do things for. Why do i put in effort and get myself so tired? What is my purpose? Who am i doing it for?
Nowadays I just dont find joy in anything that i do anymore. Dancing is probably the only one sole thing that I am truly happy doing. The others are just out of a nagging guilt or a responsibility. Sigh. Life still goes on though.
Stress has been piling on. Especially with the release of A level results. You just see too many people being 'okay'. but i dont want to be just okay. I want a scholarship but its so difficult, seeing my grades now. I need to work hard but i dont have the strength to. Blocks are in 5 days, I havent started studying. well done. Not to mention that i've been lagging this whole term.
Its going to be a terrible birthday. Its the first time i feel so sad that my birthday is coming because i know its going to be a lousy one.

Oh gosh i feel like skipping school tomorrow